Life, as you know it, stops when someone you love dies.
What was once an unending future filled with love and companionship, suddenly–and against our will–became an unknown and blank future. A future filled with pain, confusion and loneliness.
We expected life to follow our well-laid plans, but, that is not the nature of life.
Our Western culture teaches us to believe the fantasy that changes will never occur in our life. Everything will remain the same. When the inevitable does happen, and death or illness enters our life, we are ill-equipped to deal with the challenges.
We live as if we think that we and our loved ones have all of the time in the world. Death is something that happens to other people–not to us.
Why are we so surprised when our life changes? Frequently, especially when we are at our happiest in life, we believe that our life will stay the same. Life is under control and just how we expect it to be; is that really too much to ask?
According to history, the answer is yes.
Birth and death are the only two things we can actually count on in life. The content that happens between these two events is in a state of constant flux. Our insistent belief that we can escape death, or changes in life, only intensifies our suffering.
The only certainty in life is change.
The death of someone we love is one of the most painful changes that life can hand us.
When we are in prolonged grief many times we are only focused on the pain of our loss; how miserable we are without our loved one.
We have to become mindful that ultimately, we have power over what thoughts, feelings and emotions we allow ourselves to have. We don’t believe we have control over our thoughts and the pain, but we do.
Allow yourself to feel the pain of your loss, but don’t stay stuck in it. Remember the love, remember the good times, and be grateful for the experience of sharing that love. We are so blessed to have had this experience.
Life and death, love and loss, are two different sides of the same coin. The coin is life. You cannot have one side without the other.
We insist that we only want to see one side of the coin, and in doing so we deny ourselves the ability to embrace life as it truly is….an experience filled with the extremes of love, loss, pain and joy. Duality is the nature of our multi-dimensional human existence.
Death is an unavoidable part of life. Don’t stay focused on your loss. Make the decision to move on to a place where you can be grateful for the experience of great love. Become adaptable by accepting that change is a part of life.
Never forget that ultimately, love, is the only thing that is real.
Physical life –or the coin– is temporary, and not who we really are. We, and our loved ones, are spirit, and we can never be separated from them.